That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
