Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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