Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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