I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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