i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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