Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
