Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
