She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
