we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
