Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
