Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
