did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
