I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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