this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
