Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
