oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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