Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
