How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This baby is an asshole
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
