it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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