just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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