Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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