Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
