she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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