That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
