Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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