I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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