She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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