I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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