Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
