he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
