i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
