So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
