No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
