grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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