he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
