Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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