It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I want to have your abortion
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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