are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
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Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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