Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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