Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
