1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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