I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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