i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
