Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
