hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i will never coherently bang her
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize