how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
