what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
