Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
