my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
