dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
