You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
