Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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