You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is my gift to your gina
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
