When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
