Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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