Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
