I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
