omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
