I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
