Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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