I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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