she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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