im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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