Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
