508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
