i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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