you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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