I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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