Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
