Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
