I'm going to jail i love you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
