East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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