Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize