You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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