I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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