My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
