Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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