Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
