all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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